libra vs. dragon

teaflowersandsuicide:

http://libravsdragon.tumblr.com/post/9995258239/dialogue-vi

Sorry this took so long to get back to you, but I can actually stand and eat today. Yay!! I’m just going to do a bullet for my responses per your paragraphs. I’m sure you’ll catch on. Read on.

Okay! I’m finally able to answer this. I’m going to take each bullet and try to respond to them. 

•  I think that would be wonderful to live near each other and to just be able to spend time talking and wandering outdoors pointlessly for hours. People like us a scattered far and few though, and I wonder if we lived near each other and did such things if we’d still be the same kind of people. Maybe it’s the perceived solitude that makes us like that? All I can think about is picnics now haha.

That is an interesting thought- if we would still be the same kind of people. Also, if we did live near each other and were good friends, would we still be discussing intimate things like this? I am opening up to you and saying/posting things that I could never, NEVER tell my close friends. Confiding in strangers- hmm… sounds like a good title for a movie, hahaha! A picnic- how intriguing and fun! Me and my wine, you and your tea……….

• I completely understand what you mean about the consequences thing. At least you’re learning from it. I’m much more of a fence sitter myself and unfortunately you don’t gain anything or learn any lessons that way. Get’s dull.

Fence sitter, huh? If I lived near you, I would push you off more often! Of course, it’s for your own good. *smile*

•  It is, isn’t it? Spirituality does my head in, I don’t have nearly enough knowledge or experience on the matter. Fascinating though. Dabble if you will, you’re not going to learn any other way. Just don’t get too serious on any one thing while you’re still dabbling or you might end up in an asylum wearing a tin foil hat drinking cold tea. And thank you for the compliment! I’m 19, as far as I know anyway, haha. Don’t know about any other kind of years regarding whatever spiritual-ities you might apply.

A tin foil hat, tin foil hat… well, Alice in Wonderland is one of my all time favorite movies (Disney version) and my favorite character in it is the Mad Hatter. I will proudly wear a tin foil hat and drink cold tea, if it’s cool and you make one for me and give it to me when you come visit me at the asylum. (Sorry, I’m drinking the first soju bottle I have and feeling even more buzzed- see previous blog post) You’re 19? Nine-TEEN!? It’s scary to think that the things you say type now are pretty wise, but how fascinating are you going to be with the things you say or type when you turn 25? Or even 30!?

• I’m with you there on the over-analyzing. I find it hard to accept things as they are as well, I constantly need to find like 60 different faces to it or something because I expect it to be complex and unable to be understood or something. I’m going to give myself a complex at this rate. And ‘fate’, I don’t think we could every really get a top on that one either haha. Makes intersting conversation though.

Fate… *shaking head and sighing*

• I think everybody daydreams about it a little, sometimes borderlining contemplative and sometimes not. Interesting that you fantasize about the aftermath though, it’s something I’ve never done personally. Does any part of it ever satisfy you?

Maybe “fantasize” is too nice of a word to describe it. Daydream is also too nice. I don’t get any satisfaction out of it but it does make me think about what I were to do if I decide to disappear or end things, as well as justify it. Thinking steps ahead on what my next 5 moves would be, like a chess player.

• Hearing your violin music loud and clear, haha. You can’t desensitize something like heartbreak really, that’s one of life’s tragedies. Death, heartbreak, loss. No one is going to be all “Oh, it’s okay,” about those things and no one will expect you to be. It just doesn’t work like that. I mean, do some boxing and fight matches and it will toughen you up to a few punches; no matter how many times you get stabbed it’s probably not going to get any easier, you know? Everyone gets a hard heart. It’s not good for you. You know it’s not but you feel safer form the pain. But when your heart is hard it can’t feel the good things either, everything is out. And because you’re focusing on keeping out the bad things you sometimes don’t notice the good things when they come along. And by the time you try to let them in you’ve forgotten how. We all have to let go of having hard hearts.

Let go of having hard hearts… yeah. I agree… but that’s easier said, than done…

• Depending where you’re from you may actually be able to get cheaper or alternatively paid for therapy by any health schemes you’re with if referred on to a psychologist or psychiatrist by a doctor or from other things. It’s worth a look. I started on 1 hour every 3 weeks, it’s not like you go every day haha. Keep blogging though.

I will keep blogging as long as I can…

• Yeah, contrary to popular belief therapy isn’t sitting in a room talking about your problems with a stranger. It’s any wonder people who go in thinking that come out unsatisfied when they’re not cured after 3 sessions or something. You do express your issues and find where what’s interrupting your normla emotions comes from, but that’s just a small part. From there, you have to learn techniques.This is where most people get lost, because they think a therapist is going to just change their life on the spot. Yes, sometimes they give advice about what you can change in your life and how to do it, but some things can’t be changed. That’s when you have to learn to change how you perceive it. It can take months to learn to rewire your brain with a technique a certain way. Sometimes it absolutely does your head in, if you’re really trying, sometimes it hurts. My therapy helped incredibly with my anxiety issues in particular. Look up CBT or ACT online if you want to find more info, or just let me know any particular questions you have about it.

Learn to change how you perceive it/rewire your brain. So true. It is for the most part, all in my mind. It is about changing your mental perceptions and attitude. I am in constant battle with the state of mind I am having or should have. I consciously try to be positive when a new day starts,  but sooner or later, one little thing will derail me and the rest of my day would be messed up and hard to recover from. Like turning the Titanic away from the iceberg. You see the iceberg and you need 3 miles to turn and avoid it but you are already 1 mile closer so anything you do is pointless, it’s too late.

(Source: burnt-sienna-lungs)

teaflowersandsuicide:

In response to: http://libravsdragon.tumblr.com/post/10296359019/to-dr-tea

Thanks for the positive vibes; they must have worked because today I spent the entire day out of bed and got some stuff done even though my mind had been wandering a little :)

I hope things get a little better for you. I find sleep can make an immense difference. Just a basic 8 hours can make you feel like a completely different person. I know it’s hard. Have you considered any kind of sleeping aids? I take 2 Valerian, off the shelf in drug stores before sleep. Doesn’t always work but it helps a lot of the time…

I don’t have a problem falling asleep (for the most part). It’s just that I have a problem allowing myself the luxury to sleep for more than 4 hours. If I even get 6 hours of sleep, I feel horrible that I have wasted a good part of my day already. I always feel that I have things to do and take care of (in regards to my career). I know I should be sleeping longer, I know what I’m doing is bad for me and my mental health. And yet I do it. 

But for the past few days, I’ve decided to take some 5-HTP (5-hydroxy L-tryptophan) again. Have you heard of that? It is the precurser to serotonin. I heard about this from back in the day when I used to go clubbing a lot. I took it right before I went out and finally when I came back home to um, help recover. (I’m sure you know what I’m alluding to with that) That too is over the counter but I buy mine online. Although the bottle says you shouldn’t take it if you use MAO or SSRI inhibitors. Even though I’m still getting little sleep, the sleep I’m getting seems to be deeper- I actually get to dream, which is R.E.M. sleep, I believe. And more important, it’s not interrupted sleep. I’m feeling a little better or I’m able to cope better. I dunno, maybe it’s just in my head that the pills are helping- but if I feel that they are helping then it doesn’t matter, right?

I think I have tried Valerian before. Although the bottle I had, the pills really stunk, almost like shit. After trying a few, I couldn’t take the smell any longer and gave up and passed the bottle to my old roommate. 

(Source: burnt-sienna-lungs)